Welcome. This is a bit of an experiment. It is supposed to be a journal of sorts. But, instead of a personal diary, it is meant to be an open form version for the entire Disciplined Husbands Forum community. Stop by. Drop a line about yourself. About your Domestic Discipline relationship. About something you want or need. Or, just to say "hi."
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Keep it on topic. The topic is Domestic Discipline.
Keep it civil and respectful.
Enter your post as a comment. Once we get too many to be manageable, I'll do a new post. If you have something you want to say that is too long for a comment, send me an email and I'll post it for you.
That's it. Again, welcome!
The last couple of weeks have been up and down in terms of personal behavior. After abusing myself thoroughly at a work conference, I had a good week. Then, things drifted. Last Monday included a major social event associated with my profession. Couldn't really be missed as a networking event, or at least it seemed that way at the time. But, one thing I could have done is gone with water, but I just couldn't do that. One glass of wine became four drinks over the course of the night. Mostly light beer, and the last one only because a friend brought me one unrequested. But, still, a violation of our rules and my own aspirations. Wednesday, I was scheduled to have lunch with a friend/business contact, but she got busy and suggested a drink. We had three.
ReplyDeleteNot good. My work productivity has also basically sucked. Distractions, distractions, distractions. Some because of training and things like the networking event and a federal holiday, but a lot just because of not buckling down and doing it right.
Last night, She finally did something about it. And, it was probably one of the worst I've ever had. I didn't cry, but it was incredibly painful. It left me in an unfamiliar place. For one of the first times ever, I felt truly chastened and submissive. There have been times in the past when I felt a sense of peace following a spanking, but this was different. Part of me felt more centered and quiet, but there was a disquiet as well. A recognition that she really did dominate me thoroughly. I really had been punished. Well punished. There was a little part of me that glimpsed myself as truly subservient to her -- maybe for the first time.
I am not sure what I want for this section of this blog. I took down my last blog because I felt it got too personal, and I adopted the Q&A format of the Forum precisely so I would not have to get very engaged. But, I also feel like there are times I want to express at least something of what is going on inside. I suspect that others may feel the same.
ReplyDeleteHere I go, pointing my finger... LOL!
ReplyDeleteI always wonder to myself why people (notice I didn't write men) do things against the rules repeatedly. Is it that they are self-centered and don't care about the rues? Maybe they get so caught up in what they are doing, that they 'forget' that they will have to 'pay' for the bad behavior? As the disciplinarian, I get the feeling that sometimes it feels so good to do those things that the other person doesn't think about the spanking or disciplinary action that they will receive.
Sometimes, I hope against hope that "this time" will be the last time I'll have to discipline Shilo for things. We recently agreed that sometimes spankings and corner time aren't enough, so we developed penalties for repeat offenses.
Some of them are:
Writing an essay.
Soap in mouth.
Retention of an administered enema.
Extended corner time.
and my personal favorite:.
Corner time in the cock n ball pillory, whether locked in from
front or back, with or without a butt plug, while singing, or not, or
with or without a bar of soap in mouth, and/or while retaining an
enema.
I'm still not sure if it will be effective, but I know he hates essays.
I can say that for me personally, repeat bad behavior seems to be a function of some habits that are pretty hard-wired, and short-term memory. For me, the really big repetitive problem is drinking too much with friends and co-workers. And, the pattern is almost always the same. Everyone gets together for a happy hour, I show up thinking I'll have just one drink and leave. Then everyone gets to talking and order "just one more round," and one become three or four. And, at the time, I somehow literally do not remember that the consequence is likely to be a hard spanking. While I absolutely accept responsibility for needing to control myself, I do think this is one area that has been a problem for so long that Disciplinary Wife needs to think about how to take more firm control by making punishments more terrifying, more frequent and, as you suggest, perhaps more varied.
Delete"I got 99 problems and a drink ain't one".
ReplyDeleteAlcohol has no pull for me.
Other than the four rum-and-cokes I had, before and during the dinner we had with family and friends, after our wedding, but before we adjourned to our honeymoon suite, alcohol has not been my problem.
Gambling WAS, decades ago. But that's over and done. Heck, we were married in Las Vegas, and I watched her play the slots, with no yearning to play myself.
Nor do recreational pharmaceuticals interest me. I experimented, decades ago, just enough to learn that drugs were not my kick.
However, nicotine is my BIG problem, or rather, the addiction to.
I quit smoking before our wedding, and stayed away from it, then started again, and lied to her about it, even though she KNEW, she KNEW, she has the nose of a bloodhound, and she has called me on it, more than once.
It's not so much the actual smoking that gets her mad, it's that I then LIE about it, when she asked me point blank, "Did you have a cigarette (or more than one).... while at work, or wherever?"
"Oh, no, not me, why would you think that?" Who do I think I'm fooling?
So, once I DO confess, that I'm not foolin' anybody, that I lied to her when I said, I didn't have any, and that I actually did...
Well, what to do, what to do?
Dan, you mentioned "hard spanking"...
But, as Merry Contrary knows, I'm about as pure a masochist as you'll ever meet.
This is not to say, I enjoy getting a hard beating while it's in progress.
It HURTS, it really does.
But either I slip into subspace quickly, and don't feel it anymore, or one minute after the last WHAP, I'm smiling and laughing, and simply enjoying the after burn.
So, she has been looking into alternate punishments, such as the list she wrote, above.
"Writing an essay" is the only one of those that has been ordered of me, as of this writing.
Nicotine was also one of my major vices in the past. I finally quit (over 20 years ago), and other than three or four cigars at special events, I haven't gone back to it. And, quitting was one of the hardest things I've ever done. People who haven't been physically addicted to nicotine have no idea how hard it is to break. It took 10 years before I didn't dream about cigarettes on a regular basis. And, it's definitely not an easy vice to hide, because it is virtually impossible to cover up the smell.
DeleteVirtually? No, Dan, with me it IS impossible.He's showered with all kinds of soap, used sprays, even inhaled mouthwash. It's not even the nicotine anymore. It's the ritual. the heat.. I understand, I empathize, but I DETEST the odor of cigarettes.
DeleteToday marks 22 full days ...NO cigarettes.
ReplyDeleteWow! Congratulations.
DeleteChristmas Day will be a month.
DeleteThat's great. I was disappointed to see that one of my siblings fell off the smoking wagon after quitting last year. It is a hellishly addictive habit.
DeleteSaturday (Tomorrow) will be day 150. As much as I hate Shilo being sick, the good thing is that he has no desire to smoke
ReplyDelete